I will treasure you

I still cant comprehend, the fact that my family and I will not be going to Kwun Tong to have dinner with grandma (mama) anymore. It was all too sudden.

The memory is still so vivid. The phone call at almost 2am of Dec13, the taxi ride to hospital, the sight which I will never forget... She just looked as if she was asleep when in fact she has already left us.

Since that night then, every night, I get flash back of my childhood memories when mama and I hung out, we made dinner together, watched cartoons together and discussed about the characters in the cartoon....that was when I was really little. Then mama got older and didnt have the energy to play with me...so we sort of not talking as much, only brief conversations at family dinners sometimes.

She left... I regret not going to have dinner with her 2 weeks ago (I got a cold and was at work til almost 9 that day) ...It's all too late now.

It has been 10 yrs since we last lost someone in the family. Now that I am older, I start to think about what other people close to me might be feeling. I feel their pain too.

Life is really fragile. Don't take the people you love for granted. They might be gone so unexpectedly one day....

So I said to myself... "I will treasure everyone around me."

Better In Time

Better In Time - Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know

If you didn't notice
you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it

If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time.

Exactly the same words...

I do not know exactly the cause of my agitation these days. Perhaps, it's the same emotions... the Fear of going through the same things which happened to me 3 years ago. I would still consider that as the most detrimental thing happened to me ever. I do not wish it to happen again.

It is different this time. As long as I don't let my emotions get me, everything should work out and be fine.

Be confident, gal.

Torn

I am torn.

The only way to overcome it is to grow up. Be cold and be bold. Hypnotize yourself.

You need to get toughen up anyways, why not now?

No Longer the same...

As one goes through life, one sees increasingly many departures, what's left and what's coming and the consequences following such departures are hard to predict. One may not always be happy as one may have already had built a relationship with the ones who departed, but then one just has to accept the reality and let it be.

It does not feel easy to be mis-understood. It's hard to control/change others' view as very people are very often very subjective. Not many people are able to put themselves in others' shoes.

Oh well...so be it.

2012

4 yrs from now, many things will and anything can happen.

Have not got around to write a reflection for 2007 and my resolution for 2008, will have to do that soon. Right now I have an urge to write about...

The demonstration rally I went yesterday for Universal Suffrage for 2012.

Have particular strong feeling for this, not understanding why, perhaps it's in the blood. I am not the kind of person who heavily involve in politics, but I especially wanted to write tonight, before blogs like this can never be published, where opposing views can no longer be shared and people may get prosecuted because of critizing the government.

No doubt this will not happen dramatically, but gradually... without you even notice. One day you suddenly realise though, you have lost your real freedom of speech. By then, it's too late. Because you did not fight for your rights and freedom back then and had thought it's a waste of time or you thought you have better things to do.

When I first got to Victoria Park, I did not know what got into me, I nearly wanted to cry...My eyes were filled with tears. I was touched that there are still people who have the passion, to let the world know they have an ideal. My tears also speak of anguish and heartbreak when I know most ppl do not give a damn.

I perfectly know their reasons why. We are humans. Humans have failures. We are not saints. We do not even bothered to look beyond the corner if our needs can be satisfied momentarily. Who is going to care about my offsprings? I am gonna be dead in so XX number of years. I don't even care whether they can live or not, it's beyond my imagination and power, how on earth am I to care about whether they have freedom of not? What I care about is whether I live happily and have enough to survive.

That's sad. I shiver when I come to think in fact the majority of people in the world (in a smaller scale - HK) are like this.

I wonder if having an ideal meaning being naive? Or should I just be mundane and becoming one of those selfish souless creatures who claim themselves human? One day perhaps my passion will fade, and my inner flame will get extinguished aftering seeing through the world, which you cannot help but sigh, and let the world goes around by itself.

Or an optimist as I am, my inner flame may still there, but I have learnt to hide it, fearing it might get discovered and laughed at. Either way, I still appear as someone who just sigh, and let the world goes around by itself.

It 's slightly comforting perhaps if thinking the unsupportive HK ppl do have the anguish and inner flame burning within, but unwilling to show it. Instead of thinking they are selfish gits.

Some ppl I saw yesterday were from mainland, they came to HK many years ago. They truly speak... they know how it was like back there back then. The reason why they came to HK and why they joined the rally. They are ppl who had gone through the tough times back then in china and that's why they do not want it again here in HK. They were disappointed in HK ppl for their delayed senses. Oh well...

Will the real "IT" ever come?