Another year end is coming...

Xmas is here again...have been spending quite a lot for getting presents for my family and friends... In fact, I havent yet bought enough, omg...I will be so broke after xmas... but it's always good to be the one who give :)

Having mixed feelings when it comes to xmas, I tend to think about how I spent each one during the past years... the happy ones, the not so happy ones... all were so memorable and formed part of me, I am so amazed by how fast time flies...and am hoping the coming xmases will all be happy ones.

Some updates:
1) Bro is arriving home for xmas hols tmr morning. Hurray!
2) Should start preparing for some stupid exams. .. Failed one last month by 1 question! Pass mark was 28 and I got 27!!! F**K! Retaking it this Sat. Two other exams in early Jan. Those should be easy.
3) Planning to write a blog entry on my 2007.

Feast of Love

Watched "Feast of Love" with Fa @ UA Time Square on Fri, and I was expecting it to be similar to "Love Actually", a light-hearted love comedy, but I was so wrong! Not saying I have made a mistake, in fact, I really enjoyed the movie and was so touched by it.

Not mentioning there are a bit of nudity and sex scenes (yes baby!), there are lines and plots which makes you laugh in amusement 'cos they are just so cheesy and the characters are so direct; also times when you really want to cry ( in fact I shed a few tears) 'cos you identify with what the characters would be feeling...the kind of movie which can send you back home with a lesson and some deep thoughts afterwards.

Lessons... 1) Be cautious and observant to the earliest signs around you to prevent mistakes being made in the future. 2) same type of ppl are destined to be with each other, it's just a matter of time and path they go through. 3)Love bravely.

I made a joke on one of the Freeman's monologues, it goes like this "There is a story about the Greek Gods; they were bored so they invented human beings, but they were still bored so they invented love, then they weren't bored any longer. So they decided to try love for themselves....." and at this point, I said to Fa, " and they eventually got bored again...so they invented SEX."

Awaiting "Enchanted"....
:)

Unbreak my heart

Love this so much~~~

"Un-break My Heart" - Toni Braxton
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07U_uKGfv48

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights
when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart...My heart

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart...My heart

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry this tears
I cried so many, many nights
Un-break my...Un-break my heart
oh baby
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on....

Embrace challenges

Yes... That's what to be achieved... get on with it!

Dai Siu, thanks for the reminder .

NOT TO LOSE TEMPER SO EASILY!!!

I am not the kind of person who procrastinate... there's still a long way... a lot to learn... I need to be patient...but I fear people won't be patient with me...

My idealistic perfectionist character causes myself a lot of suffering...

Be tolerate!!! Change your mindset!!!

Can we keep faith?

Some reflections after seeing Ms F last sunday. I was so glad to see her back in HK, and was expecting to hear good things happening. I felt pity after knowing what happened and my mind started going on and on in a loop. We shared many of our ups and downs in relationships before, and I just cannot believe for exactly the same reason, but with a different person...that it happened again...can guys have more lame reason than that?

Everytime we get broken hearted, we tell ourselves we will never be able to find someone we will love as much as the previous one(s), and that we will never be able to find THE ONE. The whole world turns grey and we live day to day as a living zombie. Usually when we have given up hopes, someone comes along amazingly and we start to think, "Perhaps, the one is still out there and thank god, he has finally come." Then we happily fall in love again, thinking it should be the last time....until ...when we get broken hearted again. The cycle repeats for x number of times, being proportional to the level of optimism one's got.

Hopefully we all learn from our experience. May Miss F recovers quickly and becomes stronger, and that we can both find the TRUE LOVE who we are destined to be with. Someone, who, has the maturity, committment and courage to share what life has to bring.

Perhaps it takes a life time to see the truth and beauty of TRUE LOVE.

Realisation of Dreams

Being capable in doing something does not mean you would enjoy doing it. If you do not enjoy it, it's very hard to change the attitude to become the opposite.

When reaching the stage where one has worked for awhile, one starts to formulate about workplace, prospects, effort vs reward etc. Being in a role where you see different kind of people everyday can really teach one a lot about human behaviours, and will eventually appreciate individual differences.

I do not like drilling on endless documentation. But if get given a better compensation/reward, perhaps it can heal my imbalance psyche for a bit and not feeling so low.

Through the transition from branch back to office, I realise my interests in fact lie in frontline, into a PEOPLE business...

Perhaps the time will very soon arrive when I set off to realise my dreams. Where hopefully...effort will equal to physical rewards.

Lessons

People in general talk, they say many things to achieve their purposes or fulfilling their agenda, no matter they are ill-intended or not. One must be careful in deciphering the codes and not falling into traps where one can easily be taken advantages of.

Everyone is an individual. It is up to every single person to decide how to run their own life. When seeking advice, it is important to bear in mind that. What other people has chosen to do might not fit your plan, aspirations and capability. The ultimate question to answer is, "What do you want to achieve in your life and what is best suited to your personality?"

Happy bday Nelly

From left, Nelly, Me, Hilary at BACAR, SOHO

18Aug2007

I miss KT branch.

Oh... where is Wong Sir...??? He's holding the camera...


















Where is Dee and Bau Bau????
I miss u all!!!

Dry

...feeling so dry...every aspects of my life is stagnant right now.

HeHe (big sis) n I have the same feeling... how to deal with it...rationally we know what we should do. We just gotta support each other n not falling into those traps again. However...we have our weaknesses and needs... like headaches *wink wink*... how to cure?

R U READY?

Yesterday was my last day at KT branch... Because I was off on Friday, and many people were off on Saturday, my colleagues got me a farewell gift on Thurs...It was a Swarovski necklace. That was so sweet of them! I love it very much!! Thanks everyone!! Yesterday afterwork, 4 of us (Mr. A, Ms L, Hehe and I) went to TST Sushi-one for dinner...it was delicious...but I got stomach-ache afterwards!!! I had to see the doctor today.

Hope I feel well enough for work tmr...back to DH 6/F.

On a separate note, my brother got me the new Eric Suen CD yesterday...haha...so touching!!! He remembers my random comments on wanting to get the CD.

Compromise

The end of this week will mark the end of my stay at branch...really hope this week can last a little longer...this half a year has been so happy, the teamwork spirit amazes me...argh...

Come to think about "big sis", I regard this friendship is so special, still remembering the first MMO activity I did at branch was with her. We walked around KT and gave out business cards, FaiChun and pens to merchants and estate agents...at that time we hadnt known each other well yet...but we could both sense the other person would be fun to hang out with....haha...then things just go funnily coincidentally similar...and sometimes we think about the same things and have similar feelings on certain people :) and now we both have "baubau" as our "godmother"... We will keep this for sure yeah?

I shall not think too much...just welcome and challenges ahead and stay focus!

Was browsing my facebook, then saw a gal-friend of mine who just got engaged. The pair broke up a few years back, and at that time it was so detrimental for the gal, and I thought it was a shame. For the two were so happy together, while I was happily with Mr. T too. Recently they got back together, I do not know the details, but perhaps the gal was bold enough to make the sacrifice for the guy and move to study in the guy's home country. When I saw the two getting back together and getting engaged, I started to wonder if this will ever happen to me at all....

come home

Does he remember just 2 weeks ago, after disappearing after dinner for a movie without letting me know, then didnt come home til 2 something am caused me so much anxiety?

"Although u have left a msg, we still worry about you."

Just totally has no idea why he suddenly got so angry.

So sad... when will he understand our love n care? HO MO LOI and I cant help crying so much these few days. If he still cares about this sister of his, he should come back and say sorry.

Sigh...always get broken-hearted by guys...even the one closest to you...I am hopeless.

You are not the only person who live in this world

Havent felt so angry, disappointed, heart-broken and dispaired for a long long time and of course the person who can do this to you is someone is the dearest to your heart.

What he wrote pierced into our hearts so deeply, like a sword. I felt the world was suddenly turning like crazy in front of me, I almost faint and I could not think for a moment.

You are not the only person who has self-esteem (尊嚴). I have 尊嚴 too. If you seriously think that 500 dollars mean so much to you and lacking it for one day makes you unable to live, and worths you blaming the whole family, then I apologise. BUT I am not an ATM, you do not just press a button and I have money coming out of my mouth. How on the f**king earth I know u r f**king running out of money? You need to tell me so that I can get cash! If you did not tell me how am I supposed to know? And suddenly out of the blue blaming the whole family like owing you the whole world.

The anger and dispair I felt was much greater than losing a lover, it is not the kind of sadness that will hinder me from working, but my heart is so broken that you start to think although you have tried your best to care about somebody,that certain somebody does not even appreciate what you do for him. His thoughts are totally twisted, mis-interpreting others' behaviour of love and care. I think it's normal that every parents would worry about their children's academic and personal well being, as well as a noble character. But why on earth does he think like that? No parents would think unworthy of their children.

I had the money ready in my wallet, waiting to give him. This morning we were both getting ready to leave for work by the sofa, I was ready before he did, but I didnt leave, instead I sat on the sofa, looking dazed. 'Cos I was waiting, waiting for him to say "I am sorry, my words were a bit too strong last night". Then I would give him the money.

You are not the only the person who is alive in this world. We also have feelings, we are not ur accessories, we are not here for you to exploit. The feeling we get is that no matter how hard we try to please him, it is worthless and not needed at all. We don't even need to exist. You are not really mature if you never learn to be considerate, think from others' persective, respect others. Also to admit own's mistakes.

"Sorry" should not be a hard thing to say if you mean it.

Afterwork streetside dimsum

Not sure when I have to bid farewell to my KT colleagues...Gonna miss every single one of them!!! All of them have given me some insights and inspirations regarding life, relationship, career, management etc. through many little incidents which happened during the past half a year...If I had gone to a different branch, I am sure everything would have been so much different for me. Today afterwork, went to eat streetside dimsums with big sis, miss sexy long leg, Yu and Dee...yummy!!! I will always remember this very night! :)

Hope for the Best

After talking to Candy, finally made up my mind. My brother got the call from HR this afternoon that he will be starting his Summer Assistant job tmr right away. GOOD LUCK! I wonder if it is because I made this decision in the morning, so that bro can start? Then he and I wont be under the same boss?

I will soon be parted with my beloved KT colleagues... I will miss them
I tell myself...I must get somewhere better off...asap...or I never will.

Crossroads

Still have not yet contact my ex-boss even I had promised him I would call on Sat. In my opinion, whether I call on Sat or tmr first thing in the morning wouldnt make a difference. The thing is...I really cannot decide.

What's awaiting is gonna be way more challenging, the hours seem to be worse but the monetary reward isnt guaranteed to be increasing...The reasons to justify the move are it will be better for career development, plus can lend a helping hand to my HO colleagues to ease their workload, who I enjoyed working with anyway. On the otherhand, for the past half a year, I had the privilege to work with a bunch of wonderful ppl at branch which I will miss so much if I do move...ARGH...To complicate the matter, I am comtemplating some changes. :)

Tomorrow will have an answer.

p.s. I m missing terribly the sashimi from hokkaido.

6/30 --> 7/1/2007

The last day of Q2 was ended with much laughter.

We did well even we lost 3 business days cos of the hokkaido trip. See? KT is invincible! We just got so annoyed having to do so many support DD when we obviously had not yet met our targets!!! -_-""""

Updates on the change of DSA team...seems like the change is not gonna be huge and my "favourite" top sales could stay...haha...this is crucial to our targets!!!! Thank god.

In the evening, the whole team plus our ex-colleagues joined us for Karaoke at YoPark in Whampoa. It is so sweet seeing my "Godmum" with her kids n husband, big sis and I are so envious (we both want kids!!!) ...The night was packed with much singing and fun. When Mr. A sang 顏福偉 - 愛多八十年 and 徐小明- 青春痘, we all broke into hysterics...btw, 青春痘 is one of my favourite too. He also sang one particular song which somehow triggered my tears, big sis immediately distracted me by playing some drinking games with me and told me to forget about the bad guy. Suddenly she became so strong...I know it's becos he was there...she must appear to be tough. Thx for supporting. On the whole, the evening was enjoyable, though an inevitable feeling of emptiness suddenly hit me when I got home and I had no idea why.

I think my bro is superb!!! He is getting more mature and he phoned me at midnight and asked if I wanted to be picked up. He worried about me walking back home on my own as it is so quiet... GOOD BOY!!! Big sis kept telling my colleagues that my brother is very handsome...haha...and he became shy!!!

I suddenly had some flashbacks on the same night 10 years ago. I was on a service trip with the Girl Guide to maintain the general order of the handover concert at Tiramar. That night was rainy too. It is in September in the same year that I left HK for studying in a boarding school in the UK after completing Secondary 2 in HK. What's coming in the next 10 yrs? Just see what life is gonna bring me.

Q2 is ending

1 more business day and this puts an end to 2007Q2.

This also means I will soon have spent half a year in KT branch. Evaluating my life over this half a year, on what I have gained and lost, what I can say is that I have lost nothing, nothing at all. But gaining a lot. Things which once I thought I lost is not really a lost afterall when putting things into perspectives. Obviously I have not gained WEIGHT. :P I have gained friendship, responsiveness and support, all these I value so much in my heart. My colleagues are great friends, who give me advice when I need, support when I seek, are fun to work with and are so forgiving for letting me learning from my mistakes. From the branch, I see the REAL team spirit and it's really touching just come to think of it sometimes. I know it's just work life and emotions are just unneccessary, but I simply appreciate it so much for having them around and allowing me to learn and grow. These days I have already become smarter in dealing with customers in such a way that I am now being classified as "cunning". Well, not sure if it's a good or bad thing.

My "sisters" at branch have started blogging and they urged me to resume my blogging activity...not sure if I can blog like how I used to 2 years ago, as one of my netfriend pointed out I do not blog the way I used to anymore. I know I have some sincere supporters...thanks for reading, will hope to bring more insights back into my life and hopefully yours.

On a sepearate note, I have now got 1 "GOD MOTHER" and 1 "GOD SISTER" in branch (Mei Jer and HeHe) the whole DSA team will change again for Q3, and sadly my "favourite" top sales also gotta leave our branch...SO SAD... :( The DSAs from this coming team is so hard to tame...nightmare is gonna start again.

2.30am...10am work tmr. Bch bday K night tmr...hurray!

Indulge~

Finally finish all my cramming and 3 IIQE papers within a shortspan of time...not expecting to pass them all...paper 2 is definitely the hardest of all! P3 is the easiest, and I would put P1 in the middle in terms of difficulty. Funny enough...I can only do cramming...I just cant work efficiently when I have plenty of time before...That's me.

My next exam: Credit Delegation in Early July...cramming will start again shortly!

For now, I m trying to relax. After my exams today, took the bus to Hunghom KCR Metropolis, went to my friend's restaurant, bought a girlie magazine n read it while eating Hainan Chicken rice. Then took a long slow walk back home. I feel so lucky that not a single drop of rain was fallen during my stroll back home. Time spent alone is a time for reflection, I hope some day there will be a certain somebody walking the mile, tasting the air right next to me.

Gonna get back to work tmr, excited...I cannot bear not joining my colleagues at month end!!! Feeling so guilty for taking the annual leave...but I really needed it...as my stupid body wasn't helping... have no idea as to what has got into me....just feeling tired and nauseaous most of the time... didnt sleep very well either. What's worse...parents has gone on a 2-week Eastern Europe trip...leaving my bro n I on our own devices... and obviously...I am doing the housework!!! Laundry, Hoovering, Disposing rubbish, n CLEANING THE TOLIET!!!! -_-""""
So...add on to the studying I gotta do....my vac wasnt supposed to be fun... Luckily, spared 1 evening to dine with F and watched Ocean's 13 at Langham Place.

As a result of my busy 4-day leave...I m still very tired...and the number of spots on my face hasnt decreased... :(

Finally uploaded!

CF Booster Trip to Hokkaido Jun 3rd-7th 2007

Enjoy~~~

If I should keep the words unsaid

Sleepless...

Simply have no courage to say or to do what I want to say or do.

Make believe that he does not care anymore. The damage is done. Whether I wish him HAPPY BIRTHDAY or not just won't make a difference. He won't come back. I might well not say it. Cos if he replies with "Thanks", seeing his replied msg will just lead my heart to sink once again. What's the point?

Sometimes, doctor cannot cure own illness...

All the best Glenn!!!

Really really really hope that little bro (actually he's not little anymore) will pass his exams. And hope that he's not putting too much stress on himself... May he keep well. Amen.

Enjoying my new keyboard (logitech ultra-flat)...somewhat giving me da motivation to start blogging again.

Rollercoaster...

Over the past month, my emotions raged. Being thrown from heaven to hell might not be the best description, but it did feel like that literally...

Work wise, it is going well. Some of my friends ask me why I am hanging around there. Some said I should go back to the UK, either to work or study. For now, I enjoy my job. Even though the job itself does not pay well, nor is it heavily intellectually demanding, it gives you insight into hardship, the harsh reality and the sometimes the worst of human behaviours. It also trains ur EQ, flexibility and decision making skills. Perhaps, one can get insight from almost anything, provided you think about it philosophically enough. That's the art of sales, making extraordinary out of the ordinary.

Have never felt so let down before, by someone who I have considered to be the one...turns out to be just another short term affair. What can I say??? Nothing. What? For my best interests? Come on, I am so sick of such EXCUSES. When passion fades, little miss sunshine loses her magic subsequently. Many tears were shed and my 14 day AL throughout Easter in some way got totally ruined. I got way better when work started again. It takes my mind off--- besides, my friendsssssssss & colleagues are simply fab!!! No matter they are here in HK or faraway in the UK, they are just fantastic mates, so lovely and supportive. I doubt I can recover so quickly without them.

I love U (and it includes you, you and you....and you...and you....(endless list))!!! :)

Afterall, I still feel so lucky and blessed. Thanks.

千億個夜晚

Will my loneliness ever gonna subside?

＊再次看你一眼
然後靜靜獨自遠行 WOO
前面是個孤單既夜晚

四處也覺冰冷
離別路上步步困難 WOO
長夜待我空虛裡習慣

＃誰願回看憂鬱的眼
舊事沒法平淡
偏偏要裝作平淡
憑著忘記將它沖淡　
但是易說難辦
歲月已印在眉間

＋忽忽光陰如幻
天天空虛無限
落寞的雙眼　
前面尚有千億個夜晚
OH 終於歸於平淡
茫茫然走向　
埋沒著我一生既夜晚

REPEAT　＊＃＋＋％

LONELY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
LONELY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
茫茫然走向　埋沒著我一生既夜晚

REPEAT　％

LONELY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
LONELY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
ALWAYS BY MY SIDE
LONELY WON'T LET ME FALL IN LOVE

OH EVERYWHERE I GO
ALWAYS BY MY SIDE
LONELY WON'T LET ME FALL IN LOVE

Goodbye

Goodbye- Air Supply

Dedicate this song to myself... This might well be the best song to illustrate what you really want to say...

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

Lucky

Can never express thoroughly how grateful I feel towards everything happened so far in my life. Although slightly uneventful, it is peaceful. It's so peaceful that I start wondering if I should carry on like this...

Having gone through 23 years so far in a loving and supportive family, getting the world's best education, landed with a relatively nice first job in a big corporate without much effort, I just can't help feeling lucky. What's more I can't appreciate less is that my colleagues and seniors at both DH and KT branch are truly fantastic and nice. They are great workmates and friends, with a to-do attitude. What more can I ask for?

Deepdown I know I should push hard. Yet how to become someone I am not? Ironically, I can't figure out the question "Is this me?" myself.

Seems like I am still wasting time, burning my youth...or am I NOT? Does making a lot of dash means one is not wasting time?

10 years since...

It has been 10 years since my last funfair at HYS, my last one was 1997, before I leave for the UK. Missed it last year due to my oversight, so glad to be able to visit HYS again after so long and with my love~~~

















Thx B gor gor for the flower.























Overly impressed by the creativity and artistic ability of the students there. The stall designs are just superb!