The past week has been magical.
The Brussels trip, Chats with various people, Church...
Is it just because of the climate change which made a change in my thoughts and attitude?
My deep appreciation goes to my friends, family and darling.
No matter how many times I am on the verge of giving up, they are always supportive and never give up on me, just like how God has never given up on his children.
What they say to me are so meaningful.
If I have never come here, I would not have met these special people....
indeed...they are REALLY SPECIAL.
How special? They are people who really have a loving soul, a kind heart, a strong will and they are hardworking!
I feel lucky and thankful to have met them in my life.
I seem to be able to see my goal again.
It's also due to them, I decided to give church a try again.
I am in the process of finding a suitable church.
I realise I start to feel motivated again around the same time every year ...is it really due to the climate?
Well, I dun care now.
Just need to focus.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Friday, April 01, 2005
BRUSSELS, Belgium 28/3-30/3/2005
Got back from Brussels last night at around mid night. The full 3 -day Brussels trip was like a dream. It's hard to believe I am now back in the reality again. It was a nice break from work, though tiring.We ate little, drank little, visited places a little, got headache a little, and slept relatively little. However, we had BIG FUN! It's a piece of memory which I will treasure for the rest of my life.
I will always remember...
(1) How we had so little/no sleep on the night of 27/3/2005, catching a train replacement bus at 4.10am in the morning to go to Lonodon Waterloo. How we ate so many pears, bananas, apples, kiwi fruits...and we were still hungry, so heading to McD's at Waterloo.
(2) Kaikai helped me carrying my suitcase. (& The bit we were trying to scare Lyly and Samsam)
(3) The crying baby on EURO STAR.
(4) The underground/ tram rides (with minimal travel costs!!!)
The way we called the places....
Art-Loi Kunst-Wet = ArtLoi...
Parc Park = parkpark!
Jardin botanique Kruidtuin = Botanic garden (quite normal)
Rogier= Roger (haha...)
de Brouckere= Broccoli....(keke)
Ste. Catherine = St. Catz (normal translation again...)
(5) Our very first Belgian Waffle after sharing a 0.99 EURO McD's Cheeseburger. (y? becos it appeared that everything was closed on Easter Monday). It was exceptionally tasty...while later on we got sick of waffles after having had a few...
(6) How we searched for cheap food. Our sandwiches, Greek lunch...
(7) Our first dinner. 10 EURO for a 3 course meal. Despite my terrible headache. We then visited Grand Place at night.
(8) Second dinner at DRUG OPERA. We had loads of chicken dishes. How lydia and I did not go to the toliet because they required 0.30EURO tipping, whereas we paid 20p to go to toliet in London Train stations when we got back on 30th.
(9) Our museum visits. The Musical Instruments Museum was truly impressive! One gets a pair of headphones which enable one to listen to the sound of an instrument when stood at a certain spot close to the display region. When we were taking the lift, Kai said it's possible that the cable of the lift might break and the lift might fall with us still in it. The Museum of Brussels show a lot of costumes for Manneken Pis...
(10) Manneken Pis. Not about the statue itself...but the jokes we made out of it...
(11) Our late night chat on the 2nd night (29th). We chat for like 4 hours til almost 5am... (Bau Dai Wok)
(12) Samsam and Lyly went to get NEUROFAN for my terrible headache in the morning of 29th...all waited for me to feel better to get up and move about...I was .... TOUCHED.
(13) Our Big Two (Chor Dai D) games on the trains back to London and Cambridge
(14) The fact that we got up at 11.40am when we needed to check out by 12noon...hahahahahhahaha.
So far I could only think of these things... perhaps there are more things I should remember. Oh well, it's 3.11am in the morning. I am not very good at recalling stuff at this time of the night.
After getting back from Brussels to my depressing temporary room in the Old block, NH, the first thing I did was to check emails/ messages from friendster, turned on my phone (felt touched when receiving darling's SMS), then checked my brother's xanga... I was shocked to find out something...
I couldn't help asking to talk to my brother today... after the chat, I am glad that he's not sad, but is just angry. I think he has every right to be angry too. I would be if I were him. Bro, I support u! That gal is just so "flower-hearted" and immature. Such a typical HK teenage gal. Who does she think she is? She doesn't deserve my brother's love!
But through that and also the chat I had with my friends during the Brussels trip, I realised something-- it's not easy to find real love. There are people around who want to find love, but they are confused with what they really want. Do they want just FUN or really LOVE? On one hand they want to find love, on the otherhand, they don't want to give up the fun they have by being able to play around with multiple partners. They are afraid of responsibility and real commitments. Until one day they find out what love is really about, they will never grow to have proper loving relationships. I feel lucky. Really. I think I have found someone who does know how to love. I know the effort he's making, though my critical nature causes my unsatisfaction at times, it doesnt mean I do not appreciate the efforts he has made for me. I DO appreciate.
I was disappointed that I couldnt visit him in S'pore this month...I did not hide my disappointment. I thought that I did not have the motivation to go on with work and anything else. But then... what could I do? I am trying to cheer myself up. I really want to see him...
I am not too down after the trip, though it's a bit dull being back here, in a depressing room, where the kitchen is far away, shower is gross and not hot enough during late night, toliet is cold, and the drain in my room seems to be permanently blocked. Water in sink seems to be stagnant and the stuff I spat into the sink plus the water when I brushed my teeth remains there for over 14 hours. It's so unhygienic and so unpleasant to look at. And then I received some bad news about not being able to see my bf this hols. I can't be blamed for feeling down, can I?
Oh well. Will get back to work tomorrow.
I will always remember...
(1) How we had so little/no sleep on the night of 27/3/2005, catching a train replacement bus at 4.10am in the morning to go to Lonodon Waterloo. How we ate so many pears, bananas, apples, kiwi fruits...and we were still hungry, so heading to McD's at Waterloo.
(2) Kaikai helped me carrying my suitcase. (& The bit we were trying to scare Lyly and Samsam)
(3) The crying baby on EURO STAR.
(4) The underground/ tram rides (with minimal travel costs!!!)
The way we called the places....
Art-Loi Kunst-Wet = ArtLoi...
Parc Park = parkpark!
Jardin botanique Kruidtuin = Botanic garden (quite normal)
Rogier= Roger (haha...)
de Brouckere= Broccoli....(keke)
Ste. Catherine = St. Catz (normal translation again...)
(5) Our very first Belgian Waffle after sharing a 0.99 EURO McD's Cheeseburger. (y? becos it appeared that everything was closed on Easter Monday). It was exceptionally tasty...while later on we got sick of waffles after having had a few...
(6) How we searched for cheap food. Our sandwiches, Greek lunch...
(7) Our first dinner. 10 EURO for a 3 course meal. Despite my terrible headache. We then visited Grand Place at night.
(8) Second dinner at DRUG OPERA. We had loads of chicken dishes. How lydia and I did not go to the toliet because they required 0.30EURO tipping, whereas we paid 20p to go to toliet in London Train stations when we got back on 30th.
(9) Our museum visits. The Musical Instruments Museum was truly impressive! One gets a pair of headphones which enable one to listen to the sound of an instrument when stood at a certain spot close to the display region. When we were taking the lift, Kai said it's possible that the cable of the lift might break and the lift might fall with us still in it. The Museum of Brussels show a lot of costumes for Manneken Pis...
(10) Manneken Pis. Not about the statue itself...but the jokes we made out of it...
(11) Our late night chat on the 2nd night (29th). We chat for like 4 hours til almost 5am... (Bau Dai Wok)
(12) Samsam and Lyly went to get NEUROFAN for my terrible headache in the morning of 29th...all waited for me to feel better to get up and move about...I was .... TOUCHED.
(13) Our Big Two (Chor Dai D) games on the trains back to London and Cambridge
(14) The fact that we got up at 11.40am when we needed to check out by 12noon...hahahahahhahaha.
So far I could only think of these things... perhaps there are more things I should remember. Oh well, it's 3.11am in the morning. I am not very good at recalling stuff at this time of the night.
After getting back from Brussels to my depressing temporary room in the Old block, NH, the first thing I did was to check emails/ messages from friendster, turned on my phone (felt touched when receiving darling's SMS), then checked my brother's xanga... I was shocked to find out something...
I couldn't help asking to talk to my brother today... after the chat, I am glad that he's not sad, but is just angry. I think he has every right to be angry too. I would be if I were him. Bro, I support u! That gal is just so "flower-hearted" and immature. Such a typical HK teenage gal. Who does she think she is? She doesn't deserve my brother's love!
But through that and also the chat I had with my friends during the Brussels trip, I realised something-- it's not easy to find real love. There are people around who want to find love, but they are confused with what they really want. Do they want just FUN or really LOVE? On one hand they want to find love, on the otherhand, they don't want to give up the fun they have by being able to play around with multiple partners. They are afraid of responsibility and real commitments. Until one day they find out what love is really about, they will never grow to have proper loving relationships. I feel lucky. Really. I think I have found someone who does know how to love. I know the effort he's making, though my critical nature causes my unsatisfaction at times, it doesnt mean I do not appreciate the efforts he has made for me. I DO appreciate.
I was disappointed that I couldnt visit him in S'pore this month...I did not hide my disappointment. I thought that I did not have the motivation to go on with work and anything else. But then... what could I do? I am trying to cheer myself up. I really want to see him...
I am not too down after the trip, though it's a bit dull being back here, in a depressing room, where the kitchen is far away, shower is gross and not hot enough during late night, toliet is cold, and the drain in my room seems to be permanently blocked. Water in sink seems to be stagnant and the stuff I spat into the sink plus the water when I brushed my teeth remains there for over 14 hours. It's so unhygienic and so unpleasant to look at. And then I received some bad news about not being able to see my bf this hols. I can't be blamed for feeling down, can I?
Oh well. Will get back to work tomorrow.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Leaving for Brussels in a few hours...can't sleep. DAMN.
Come to think about it... my darling acts a bit strange these days...Is it an reaction to my emotionality? I am a bit confused. How to strike a balance? How not to exert pressure? How come one could look so amused at one moment and then looking so impatient at the next?
Even saying that, deep in my heart, I could sense the effort u r making. I don't want u to be unhappy though.
I am in conflict all the time. My cynical view about men conflicts with the fantastic being I am in love with. Hence my ambivalent behaviour towards u?
Perhaps I could sleep for a short while.
Come to think about it... my darling acts a bit strange these days...Is it an reaction to my emotionality? I am a bit confused. How to strike a balance? How not to exert pressure? How come one could look so amused at one moment and then looking so impatient at the next?
Even saying that, deep in my heart, I could sense the effort u r making. I don't want u to be unhappy though.
I am in conflict all the time. My cynical view about men conflicts with the fantastic being I am in love with. Hence my ambivalent behaviour towards u?
Perhaps I could sleep for a short while.
Can't think of a title....
After this moving room incident, I have lost my hope and trust in my college. All it cares about is earning money, and dun care about our feelings and academic work. The reasons they gave were futile too. It was SO OBVIOUS that it was some staff's inconsistency problem...which led to the mistakes ( as in if u know that taking a certain no. of guests would affect some of your finalists, it'd better stay put and hold it there, dun take in more than you can afford.), they knew it's their fault. And the senior tutor asked me not to think we the students are in any sense paying for someone's mistakes. HIDEOUS. PATHETIC. Does he really think I am a 10 yr old naive gullible gal who would believe in such appalling excuses? The brits are just so good at finding scapegoat, and finding excuses for their mistakes. NH is run by morons. THEIR CONSEQUENCE OF BEING GREEDY SHOULDN' T AFFECT THEM, JUST MAKE THE STUDENTS MOVE... MAKE THE STUDENTS SUFFER...
I wonder if they are running a hotel or a convention centre. They are so crazy about genertating revenue til they have lost their mind! Perhaps they only have a very minimal amount of conscience, just for those who got exams straight after the holiday...I have got a dissertation deadline straight after the holiday too...It is also important. Shame on Dr S, to be the Sen Tut of NH. Just that 20 odd guests is not gonna make a huge difference on the income, but by making us move, they have lost our trust and respect. I could no longer show respect to the college as a whole. If I run an institution, I would not be so heartless. Afterall, an institution with unhappy exhausted students cannot thrive. Money in fact is a secondary.
THINGS HE SAID:
"Can't see the time moving would be any more than those who go home."
It's definitely more! People tend to have parents coming in to help them... So Dr. S, are u willing to come and help me move my stuff? It took me 2 days to move out and likely to take 2 days to move back in again. Besides, ppl made plans going home, they have allocated time for it. I did not ask to be moved damn u. Thus, why should I sacrifice my time for u to make money out of my expenses?
"Moving room is the standard expectation."
"Can just say that the finalists in the past were just luckier than you are."
Yes, although u could say that and it made sense with the license agreement, I dun think they have put in enough effort not to move us if they do value us as members of the college. So obviously they dun care about what grades we get and our needs in order to achieve our best.
My friend said, "NO WONDER NH STILL RANKS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOMLINKSON TABLE, WHILE NEWNHAM HAS GOT SO MUCH HIGHER. IT MUST BE BECOS NH IS RUN BY SUCH HEARTLESS CREATURES." I start to think it's true. Perhaps Dr S is right ,"WE ARE NOT TRINITY AND DUN HAVE THE FACILITIES SIMILAR TO TRINITY FOR OUR STUDENTS AND STAFFS" No wonder...so we have every reason to get crap grades becos we are not from Trinity!!!! And our fellows are not as smart as those in Trinity due to the fact that we are not TRINITY! YEAH!
Now I have already moved. As the last words, I have fought for my rights. I did not succeed and now this problem is out of my hands. I shan't think about it no more.
Friday, March 25, 2005
Things I posted in XANGA for the past 2 days
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Just took this quiz...
http://www.yournewromance.com/girlfriendquiz.html
Results:
You Are A Professional Girlfriend!You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.
Er...So I am a pro.....o.O"""
This is the link which I was trying to get from my friend's xanga.
Birth Chart
http://astro-software.com/cgi-bin/astro/natal
Try it, it's very detailed, perhaps that's why it's accurate?
Opened a xanga account today just because this afternoon I needed to search for a link which appeared on my friend's xanga...so....here I am! I don't usually use xanga, but use blogspot. My blogspot http://nmat2.blogspot.com .
Thursday, March 24, 2005
UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!
Email I got on Mon from Accommodation office:
Dear Amanda
You may remain in your own room over the vacation. Please be awareconference delegates are in residence and leave the kitchen tidy.
Many thanks
Annette
Annette Jay
Email I got this afternoon at 6.15pm:
Dear Amanda
Firstly, I must apologise for the email I sent earlier this week, where Isaid I would be able to leave you in your own room. Unfortunately, due tohigh Conference demands, I must ask you to move to a temporary room, D8 byTuesday 29th March, you may move back again on Monday 11th April. Pleasecollect your key form the P/lodge. Dr Saxton, the Senior Tutor, is aware ofthe situation, and I can only apologise again for the inconvenience thiswill cause.
Regards
Annette
Annette Jay
Housekeeper
I cried for 45 mins after that. And ran around college trying to find My Ex-DOS (ie the Senior Tutor) and then I chat to the Accommodation women.
Do you know how it feels? Come on, I am a finalist! For the past years, New Hall finalists were able to remain in their own rooms during the Easter vacation, without the hassles of moving to a different room. I simply had no plan of moving at all. Think about it, is earning money that important? This is a really important time of my life, I just cannot afford moving about with all my stuff which will at least take 2 whole days plus aching muscles. And then 11 whole days of being depressed, not being able to concentrate in a strange room. Do they have an idea how damaging it is to someone who needs to be spending to work hard for their finals? I have got a dissertation deadline coming up within a month, and I have got tonnes to do! It is just not fair when it is the staff's fault for their mis-communications between Accommodation office and the Conference Office, and then the students need to suffer. I really wanted to say APOLOGIES AREN'T ENOUGH. It doesnt matter if all my stuff could be magically moved somewhere else and I just move my person. Do they acknowledge the fact that it takesTONNES OF TIME TO MOVE TO AND FROM a room? U CANT BUY TIME...especially when time is running short for us. I think the college should apologise to the conference guests and ask them to live in hotel, they should pay for their mistakes, not using our TIME to pay. Ask Fitz if they could accommodate some of their conference guests? It is simply not fair while the finalists in the past have always been able to enjoy the privileges, and when it comes to us, they just say ,"Sorry, it's never happened before, only shit happens then we know something is wrong to the present system and we could do something about it to prevent it happens again." Don't they have foresight? ....pride themselves with excellent management skills...bullshit.
UPSET.
Thus I wrote this email:
Dear Dr. Saxton,
Below is an email which I received earlier which extremely upsets me. I cannot believe this happens at this very important time, I had no plan of moving and this truly disrupted my working plan. To keep it short, I would hope that you could send an email to Annette giving me permission to stay in my room (J13). I am not hopeful since many people had turned to you and been turned down. Simply, I just want to plead, beg, or whatever, if you know how upset I was and still am.
My reasons are as follows:
(i) My strongest reason is the fact that I stayed in College over Christmas, and after moving to another room, I was depressed for the majority of time and was unable to work efficiently. I felt unsettled, distracted and disoriented. I do not wish this to happen again, and surely not when it's so close to my dissertation deadline and finals.
(ii) Due to (i), it is time that I need most, and now I am being deprived of it. Moving room will take at least 2 whole days, plus aching muscles, and then some 10 days of adjusting and depression (on my part). I just want this fact to be acknowledged and understood. Moving room can’t be done in the speed of light, and it does take a huge amount of time and energy. If I were a conference guest, I would have guilty conscience if I had known that even the final year students had to make so much effort (rather, sacrifice) for my short stay.
(iii) I am well aware that in the license agreement I am not guaranteed my own room during vacation. While in the past finalists had been able to enjoy the privileges of remaining residence in their own rooms for the Easter Vacation, I feel it’s really unfair and we are hugely disadvantaged. Besides, as an international student, I feel like I have no one to turn to, I cannot just go home like everybody else. How come it seems like an impossible task just to ask for some stability?
(iv) I feel that despite the miscommunication mistakes made by the staff, it shouldn’t be down to the students (FINALISTS) to pay for their mistakes. This might not be something I am qualified to say, since I am just a student. But I feel that if someone has made a mistake, apologies are not sufficient, especially if it concerns over 20 people’s welfare. Shouldn’t the one who made the mistakes be held responsible for what happened?
(v) It’s very nice and well for others to say that life throws you into unexpected events from time to time, they hit you real hard, which there are no rights and wrongs, and it’s all about coping. By thinking like that, one really could eliminate many troubles and sorrows. But if everyone in the world thinks like that, no one would fight for anything they are worthy of. It is about principles. I understand that the college needs to make money for building the new graduate accommodation. But money could be made slowly on a long-term basis, while the finalists only have one opportunity for their finals and our future is dependent on it (well, if it doesn’t apply to everybody, at least it applies to me). The benefit for the present students and for the future student is not balanced.
I should end this long-winded email. I apologize for sounding so extreme and deeply troubled. The fact is, I am troubled and feel very disappointed with the college. I just hope that I could gain your support at this very important yet difficult time. Thank you so much for reading. Since I am going to Brussels from 28th for 3 days, I only have from Friday until Sunday to move if I really have to (but unwilling). Therefore, I would enormously appreciate your prompt response.
Wishing you a very happy Easter.
Regards,
Amanda Tsui
Just took this quiz...
http://www.yournewromance.com/girlfriendquiz.html
Results:
You Are A Professional Girlfriend!You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.
Er...So I am a pro.....o.O"""
This is the link which I was trying to get from my friend's xanga.
Birth Chart
http://astro-software.com/cgi-bin/astro/natal
Try it, it's very detailed, perhaps that's why it's accurate?
Opened a xanga account today just because this afternoon I needed to search for a link which appeared on my friend's xanga...so....here I am! I don't usually use xanga, but use blogspot. My blogspot http://nmat2.blogspot.com .
Thursday, March 24, 2005
UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!
Email I got on Mon from Accommodation office:
Dear Amanda
You may remain in your own room over the vacation. Please be awareconference delegates are in residence and leave the kitchen tidy.
Many thanks
Annette
Annette Jay
Email I got this afternoon at 6.15pm:
Dear Amanda
Firstly, I must apologise for the email I sent earlier this week, where Isaid I would be able to leave you in your own room. Unfortunately, due tohigh Conference demands, I must ask you to move to a temporary room, D8 byTuesday 29th March, you may move back again on Monday 11th April. Pleasecollect your key form the P/lodge. Dr Saxton, the Senior Tutor, is aware ofthe situation, and I can only apologise again for the inconvenience thiswill cause.
Regards
Annette
Annette Jay
Housekeeper
I cried for 45 mins after that. And ran around college trying to find My Ex-DOS (ie the Senior Tutor) and then I chat to the Accommodation women.
Do you know how it feels? Come on, I am a finalist! For the past years, New Hall finalists were able to remain in their own rooms during the Easter vacation, without the hassles of moving to a different room. I simply had no plan of moving at all. Think about it, is earning money that important? This is a really important time of my life, I just cannot afford moving about with all my stuff which will at least take 2 whole days plus aching muscles. And then 11 whole days of being depressed, not being able to concentrate in a strange room. Do they have an idea how damaging it is to someone who needs to be spending to work hard for their finals? I have got a dissertation deadline coming up within a month, and I have got tonnes to do! It is just not fair when it is the staff's fault for their mis-communications between Accommodation office and the Conference Office, and then the students need to suffer. I really wanted to say APOLOGIES AREN'T ENOUGH. It doesnt matter if all my stuff could be magically moved somewhere else and I just move my person. Do they acknowledge the fact that it takesTONNES OF TIME TO MOVE TO AND FROM a room? U CANT BUY TIME...especially when time is running short for us. I think the college should apologise to the conference guests and ask them to live in hotel, they should pay for their mistakes, not using our TIME to pay. Ask Fitz if they could accommodate some of their conference guests? It is simply not fair while the finalists in the past have always been able to enjoy the privileges, and when it comes to us, they just say ,"Sorry, it's never happened before, only shit happens then we know something is wrong to the present system and we could do something about it to prevent it happens again." Don't they have foresight? ....pride themselves with excellent management skills...bullshit.
UPSET.
Thus I wrote this email:
Dear Dr. Saxton,
Below is an email which I received earlier which extremely upsets me. I cannot believe this happens at this very important time, I had no plan of moving and this truly disrupted my working plan. To keep it short, I would hope that you could send an email to Annette giving me permission to stay in my room (J13). I am not hopeful since many people had turned to you and been turned down. Simply, I just want to plead, beg, or whatever, if you know how upset I was and still am.
My reasons are as follows:
(i) My strongest reason is the fact that I stayed in College over Christmas, and after moving to another room, I was depressed for the majority of time and was unable to work efficiently. I felt unsettled, distracted and disoriented. I do not wish this to happen again, and surely not when it's so close to my dissertation deadline and finals.
(ii) Due to (i), it is time that I need most, and now I am being deprived of it. Moving room will take at least 2 whole days, plus aching muscles, and then some 10 days of adjusting and depression (on my part). I just want this fact to be acknowledged and understood. Moving room can’t be done in the speed of light, and it does take a huge amount of time and energy. If I were a conference guest, I would have guilty conscience if I had known that even the final year students had to make so much effort (rather, sacrifice) for my short stay.
(iii) I am well aware that in the license agreement I am not guaranteed my own room during vacation. While in the past finalists had been able to enjoy the privileges of remaining residence in their own rooms for the Easter Vacation, I feel it’s really unfair and we are hugely disadvantaged. Besides, as an international student, I feel like I have no one to turn to, I cannot just go home like everybody else. How come it seems like an impossible task just to ask for some stability?
(iv) I feel that despite the miscommunication mistakes made by the staff, it shouldn’t be down to the students (FINALISTS) to pay for their mistakes. This might not be something I am qualified to say, since I am just a student. But I feel that if someone has made a mistake, apologies are not sufficient, especially if it concerns over 20 people’s welfare. Shouldn’t the one who made the mistakes be held responsible for what happened?
(v) It’s very nice and well for others to say that life throws you into unexpected events from time to time, they hit you real hard, which there are no rights and wrongs, and it’s all about coping. By thinking like that, one really could eliminate many troubles and sorrows. But if everyone in the world thinks like that, no one would fight for anything they are worthy of. It is about principles. I understand that the college needs to make money for building the new graduate accommodation. But money could be made slowly on a long-term basis, while the finalists only have one opportunity for their finals and our future is dependent on it (well, if it doesn’t apply to everybody, at least it applies to me). The benefit for the present students and for the future student is not balanced.
I should end this long-winded email. I apologize for sounding so extreme and deeply troubled. The fact is, I am troubled and feel very disappointed with the college. I just hope that I could gain your support at this very important yet difficult time. Thank you so much for reading. Since I am going to Brussels from 28th for 3 days, I only have from Friday until Sunday to move if I really have to (but unwilling). Therefore, I would enormously appreciate your prompt response.
Wishing you a very happy Easter.
Regards,
Amanda Tsui
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Friday, March 18, 2005
Who says there will be sunshine all along?
Who says there will be sunshine all along our way and we will be happy everafter?
There are times, when the sky gets cloudy and we can't see what's ahead of us because it's foggy. Not a matter of BELIEVE, but as a matter of fact, we will soon see the SILVER LINING, and the SUN will be out again in no time, and we would be able to feel the warmth again. Perhaps we are going and will go through many of such periods of time, but the fact is, it will only get better when u r at a down point. Let's remind ourselves (or me in particular), THERE WILL ALWAYS BE TOMORROW and HAVE FAITH.
We cannot be calculative all the time, if it's the case, it's not LOVE. Though I understand LOVE is also about letting your loved ones to pursue their dreams and ambitions, and cannot solely be satisfying your very own needs and desires; and that, it takes one to be able to analyse what's the best way to balance both views. I do hope that things will eventually work out. In fact, not just hope, I WANT things to work out at the end. I will never succumb to the REALITY. That's the DETERMINATION shown by a VIRGO. You might say I am STUBBORN. Even I might be upset now, and have negative thoughts about giving up, I will not cease to fight. I am a fighter!
As long as you still have the determination like I do, things will be fine. BE BOLD. Afterall, happiness is very subjective.
I do struggle between duty and something? (DUTY VS U) The fact that I have been away from home for so long, I feel I have this duty to pay back, to be a useful person, giving something back to the society, because I am thankful for my parents. Without them, I wont be at where I am now. Whenever I think about my parents, tears would soak my eyes. On the other hand, I want to be with you too. How to choose? How not to disappoint 3 parties (perhaps more?)? How to achieve the best outcome without causing any dismay to anybody? Is it possible? How to define the best outcome?
I want to take the risk and gamble if I am just myself, but I am not just myself. INDIVIDUAL AUTONOMY VS PRINCIPLED AUTONOMY...
I just need more time, I am not intending to trap you. PLEASE WAIT FOR ME.
Love this song very much, this kind of love is too altruistic, though it's an ideal, but I don't think I could do it. Let me try to translate it.
祝君好 張智霖 曲/Cho Kyu Man 詞/周禮茂 編/黃丹儀
聽 你不斷呼叫我 Hark! You continuously yearning for me,
劃破 寧靜 我的心下墜 breaks the silence, my heart sinks
在難過 講 不出愛沒結果 So sad, love unspoken urequited
口和唇 緊緊閉鎖 Mouth and lips are sealed
哭 也一話都不說 I’d rather cry than to say anything
害怕 連累 你一生日月 Fear that I would bog u down for life
憾無缺 只差跟你曾遇過 No regret since we have met
給過你 太多波折 Given u too many obstacles
＊寧願沒擁抱 共你可到老(能夠終老) I’d rather have no embraces but could be with u when u r old
任由你 來去自如在我心底仍愛慕 I’d still love and admire u even letting u go
如若碰到 他比我好 If I encounter him and find out he’s better than me
只望 I will just look
停在遠處 祝君安好 from far away, wishing you well
雖不可(多麼想) 親口細訴 though I couldn’t tell u this in person.
說 太多話我想說 To speak, I have too much to say
但我 還是 要啞口道別 but I’d still depart in silence
任由我 天空海闊流著血 Just let me bleed in this big wide world
只要你 白似冰雪 All I want is you to be immaculate as snow.Repeat ＊
Yes, I am not this kind. I hope I could, but my moral standard hasn't become so advanced yet. If things don't work out, I don't want to know how u get on with life, who u r with , how many kids u r having etc. If i say i dun give a damn, the fact is, I do and I always will. I will be in eternal pain. If this happens, I DON'T WANNA KNOW. I will do my best to erase all the memories we once shared and cut u off completely from my life. And then I will lack the ability to love anyone ever again.
Well, sound like a pretty extreme thing to say at 2.30am in the morning, but this is the last say, I won't let myself thinking about this thing until after my exams. Afterall, it's just the situation we are loathing, not the person~ :P (thank god)
There are times, when the sky gets cloudy and we can't see what's ahead of us because it's foggy. Not a matter of BELIEVE, but as a matter of fact, we will soon see the SILVER LINING, and the SUN will be out again in no time, and we would be able to feel the warmth again. Perhaps we are going and will go through many of such periods of time, but the fact is, it will only get better when u r at a down point. Let's remind ourselves (or me in particular), THERE WILL ALWAYS BE TOMORROW and HAVE FAITH.
We cannot be calculative all the time, if it's the case, it's not LOVE. Though I understand LOVE is also about letting your loved ones to pursue their dreams and ambitions, and cannot solely be satisfying your very own needs and desires; and that, it takes one to be able to analyse what's the best way to balance both views. I do hope that things will eventually work out. In fact, not just hope, I WANT things to work out at the end. I will never succumb to the REALITY. That's the DETERMINATION shown by a VIRGO. You might say I am STUBBORN. Even I might be upset now, and have negative thoughts about giving up, I will not cease to fight. I am a fighter!
As long as you still have the determination like I do, things will be fine. BE BOLD. Afterall, happiness is very subjective.
I do struggle between duty and something? (DUTY VS U) The fact that I have been away from home for so long, I feel I have this duty to pay back, to be a useful person, giving something back to the society, because I am thankful for my parents. Without them, I wont be at where I am now. Whenever I think about my parents, tears would soak my eyes. On the other hand, I want to be with you too. How to choose? How not to disappoint 3 parties (perhaps more?)? How to achieve the best outcome without causing any dismay to anybody? Is it possible? How to define the best outcome?
I want to take the risk and gamble if I am just myself, but I am not just myself. INDIVIDUAL AUTONOMY VS PRINCIPLED AUTONOMY...
I just need more time, I am not intending to trap you. PLEASE WAIT FOR ME.
Love this song very much, this kind of love is too altruistic, though it's an ideal, but I don't think I could do it. Let me try to translate it.
祝君好 張智霖 曲/Cho Kyu Man 詞/周禮茂 編/黃丹儀
聽 你不斷呼叫我 Hark! You continuously yearning for me,
劃破 寧靜 我的心下墜 breaks the silence, my heart sinks
在難過 講 不出愛沒結果 So sad, love unspoken urequited
口和唇 緊緊閉鎖 Mouth and lips are sealed
哭 也一話都不說 I’d rather cry than to say anything
害怕 連累 你一生日月 Fear that I would bog u down for life
憾無缺 只差跟你曾遇過 No regret since we have met
給過你 太多波折 Given u too many obstacles
＊寧願沒擁抱 共你可到老(能夠終老) I’d rather have no embraces but could be with u when u r old
任由你 來去自如在我心底仍愛慕 I’d still love and admire u even letting u go
如若碰到 他比我好 If I encounter him and find out he’s better than me
只望 I will just look
停在遠處 祝君安好 from far away, wishing you well
雖不可(多麼想) 親口細訴 though I couldn’t tell u this in person.
說 太多話我想說 To speak, I have too much to say
但我 還是 要啞口道別 but I’d still depart in silence
任由我 天空海闊流著血 Just let me bleed in this big wide world
只要你 白似冰雪 All I want is you to be immaculate as snow.Repeat ＊
Yes, I am not this kind. I hope I could, but my moral standard hasn't become so advanced yet. If things don't work out, I don't want to know how u get on with life, who u r with , how many kids u r having etc. If i say i dun give a damn, the fact is, I do and I always will. I will be in eternal pain. If this happens, I DON'T WANNA KNOW. I will do my best to erase all the memories we once shared and cut u off completely from my life. And then I will lack the ability to love anyone ever again.
Well, sound like a pretty extreme thing to say at 2.30am in the morning, but this is the last say, I won't let myself thinking about this thing until after my exams. Afterall, it's just the situation we are loathing, not the person~ :P (thank god)
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Bad dreams
Been having bad dreams for the past 2 nights...I wonder why?? They are all related to death?
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Cheerful Spring~
Woke up automatically, followed by hot shower, walking under a sunny + warm weather and a McD's Big Breakfast... I haven't had a morning as relaxed and as happy as this for a long long long time!!!! In a really good mood right now. :D (SUPERVISION WITH SUPER-SMART DR. RUDOLF CARDINAL THIS AFTERNOON!!! MUST PREPARE HARD FOR THAT!)
While I was walking up the hill to New Hall, I notice the daffodils are opened!!!! I couldn't help feeling GLAD~~~~ THIS MARKS THE BEGINNING OF SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Despite I was rather angry with somebody, and have been having some severely negative thoughts about the future, the ball is now in his court now. I don't give a damn! But if not for that, I will not realise what pisses me off! I am a normal person, I do get annoyed and impatient. The older I get, I more I understand about letting go my emotions and expressing what I really think, instead of suppressing them and pretending everything is fine.
No time for talking about non-sense now, back to brain mechanism of cognition!
While I was walking up the hill to New Hall, I notice the daffodils are opened!!!! I couldn't help feeling GLAD~~~~ THIS MARKS THE BEGINNING OF SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Despite I was rather angry with somebody, and have been having some severely negative thoughts about the future, the ball is now in his court now. I don't give a damn! But if not for that, I will not realise what pisses me off! I am a normal person, I do get annoyed and impatient. The older I get, I more I understand about letting go my emotions and expressing what I really think, instead of suppressing them and pretending everything is fine.
No time for talking about non-sense now, back to brain mechanism of cognition!
Saturday, March 12, 2005
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